Begin Again

The other day I heard the word “Fear” defined as an acronym for “future events appearing real.”

Not many of you know, but in 2014 I suffered from pretty crippling anxiety. This anxiety stemmed from thinking too much about future events and tasks ahead of me. I would find myself with impossible knots in my gut which lead me staying at home to avoid even the simplest of situations for days on end.

I am INCREDIBLY lucky for the people in my life who have taken time to make sure that I know that they love me, that they will always be there for me, and to remind me to do my best to lean into discomfort instead of avoiding it.

2015 has been my year of leaning into discomfort. By this I mean that I have realized that happiness, joy, and sorrow come in and out of your day to day, sort of an ebb and flow. And that these internal feelings, are a result of your intentions and your actions.

2014 was a year of “No”. Of avoidance. As you can imagine, I was sort of stagnant and waiting for some sort of internal message to let me know that it was ok to admit to being afraid.

The celebration of a new year always means a new beginning to me. It has always been my internal push to let go and start over. In the early morning hours of 2015, I forgave myself.

I forgave myself for thinking a little too creatively about future situations.

I forgave my belly for the knots and butterflies.

I forgave myself for saying no, and promised myself that I would try and say yes instead.

Thank you to everyone who made my 2015 so incredibly special. I am so full of love for you all and I can’t even tell you how excited I am for this beautiful new year!

To name a couple exciting events, Bryson and I are moving to Japan for a while, and I am going to be an auntie again to a beautiful baby boy in March!

As for this post, thank you to my amazing friends for picking up my camera, and for whole heartedly trusting in my crazy and freezing idea of beginning again in 2016!

xo Clover


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  1. I also suffer from crippling anxiety. I started blogging as a means to focus on something else. Best wishes to you in the New Year! In my experience, it always gets better.

    • Thank you so much Stephen! It really means a lot to me and makes me feel so full!
      My goal is to blog quite a bit more this year! Again thank you for your kind words! I’m heading over to your blog now! xo

    • Hahaha! It is funny because when you pump yourself up for it by doing a little dance first, getting in is easy! The effect it has on your breathing is the hardest part. You’re simultaneously laughing and gasping. Pretty funny actually!

  2. AMazinf pics and such an intense and honest post. Thanks for sharing your experience, that’s for me the reason for blogging: sharing, admitting and accepting our faults, our desires, inspire and being inspired. =) Happy new begging to you =)

  3. Such a great post, Chloe!! Some of the things you have written are so close to my heart too. Love your spirit, more power to you!! I sure am going to be a regular here 🙂